Living the Dream

My daughter just quit her job. She tried to leave somewhat immediately, but her employer asked her to stay through July. She said she would. But she's leaving a job that was destroying her.

She said she knew it was time to leave when she noticed that she no longer enjoyed talking to people and that she felt anxious every time the telephone rang. "That's not me, Mom! I love talking to people!" she said. And because of this, she quit her job.

And then, as if the Universe was acknowledging her decision to take care of her Soul, she got a job acting with a regional theatre company in White River Junction, Vermont in September and October. The company is Northern Stage. The production: Amadeus.

White River Junction sounds like a good place to have adventures.

My daughter is an actor. She has been acting since the age of three. Acting has been the primary driving force in her life. She pursues her dream relentlessly. My daughter is the most genuinely happy person I know. It is for this reason that she is my hero.

I dream of quitting my job at Planet Care to pursue my dreams. But then I think about Medical Insurance and a Stable Paycheck. I think about all my Medical Bills, Groceries, Telephone Bills Car Insurance, Rent: I think about maintaining some degree of The Status Quo Lifestyle. And I say to myself, "I'll quit my job when I've secured a reliable source of income."

Now the problem with this line of thinking is that it is first necessary to cut off dead branches before new growth can occur. And sometimes by stepping outside of your comfort zone, you open yourself up to possibilities that might not have presented themselves to you otherwise. This takes a giant leap of faith and courage. And to date, I have not mustered the courage and faith required to make such a leap. The awareness of this creates a friction between the lower self and the True Self. It is an uncomfortable sensation.

This weekend, I participated in the 48 Hour Film Project. My team leader and I had never done this film-making thing before. But we had both dreamed of it. When I was 13, I knew that I wanted to be a film director. But I did not have the resilience or the resourcefulness of my daughter. After being made fun of by people whose opinion mattered to me, I soon put my dream on the back burner. Then I took it off the stove top altogether. But it never completely disappeared.

The lead actor in the film project I worked on was my friend, Joe. Joe and I are a lot alike. We both get distracted by status quo type things and often fail to fuel our creative fires. We both dream of being free - of having a life of unhindered creativity.

Joe and I had a scene together. It was the final, thus, pivotal scene in the story's resolution. The final lines of dialogue are:

Me: "OK! Let's roam!"

Joe: "I'm ready."

There's something strange that happened in the filming of this scene in general and in saying these final lines in particular. It was as if Joe and I simultaneously imagined our lives on the road - free to create. Riding off into the sunset to who knows where with nothing but the possibility of adventure alive in our hearts. For a moment, it was as if we were living the lives of the characters we were portraying.

Last night, I had amazing dreams of expansion and freedom. All day, the taste of these dreams teased my tongue. I felt an indefinable excitement. I began to wonder if simply by pretending to be courageous and filled with an open heart and open mind, one could actually develop these attributes.

All I know for sure is that over the weekend, I honored my childhood dream of making a movie. It was a leap of courage and faith. I walked into this project knowing nothing about film-making. The equipment that we used was completely low-tech as compared to other teams in the project. We had all sorts of technical obstacles. And at one point we were afraid we would need to scrap the story altogether and come up with a "Plan B." But there was a guiding force that kept things together. Maybe it was simply our determination. Maybe it was a mutual sense of Living our Dream. Whatever it was, it had a distinct and potent quality that left a residual confidence and happiness. And today, I am in love with making movies.