Homeless Nihilist Artist

I talk about Sarah a lot.  There's just no getting over a friend being murdered.  I think about her so much.  And everything I experience or think about seems to revolve back to the thought of her being taken from us so violently.

Yesterday I was helping the Greensboro Mural Project grid out a blank wall and begin to transpose the initial elements of the mural design to it.  As we were working, a man approached us and asked in a relatively pompous manner, "Have you planned a motif?"  One of the GMP folks described to him what would be on the wall once the mural is finished.  He stared blankly at us and said, "That's it?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"I used to be an accomplished artist," he said.

"Used to be?"

"Yeah, I don't do it anymore."

"Why not?"

"I don't do anything anymore.  Anything except drink.  I'm homeless."

This man proceeded to describe all the things that are wrong with America - including capitalism and every conspiracy theory across the broad spectrum of conspiracy theories.  He ranted about how he used to be able to make $25 an hour doing construction, but now he gets offered a "wet back's" wages of half that.  And why, he shouted, should he work making shit wages all for the sake of keeping a roof over his head?

I attempted to commiserate with him.  I said that I make shit wages for the sake of keeping a roof over my head.  "Why?!" he demanded.  "Why not live in a tent like me?!"  "Because," I said, "there are some things that I want to accomplish that I need money for.  I am an artist, too.  And I need to be able to buy art supplies.  You say you used to do art.  By no longer doing your art, are you not admitting defeat?  Are you not being defeated by this fucked up world?"  At this point, he lifted a bag that held several bottles of King Cobra.  "This is what I do with my life."  I failed to ask him how he acquires money for beer.  And how is he rejecting capitalism when he conducts business transactions with local convenience stores?  

This fucking asshole continued to try and divert energy and attention from the task at hand -the task of beautifying the street by making art - with his aggressive and confrontational manner.  The Greensboro Mural Project is doing something.  It is making a contribution.  Not only is this man not making a contribution, but it seems he wants to drag others down to his place of nihilism.

And then, I had a Republican moment.  I thought, this guy is draining precious resources by being alive.  The air he breathes, the space he occupies when he walks down the street, these could be used by worthier people.  If Sarah were alive, for example, she could be using these resources.  If Sarah were alive, she would fill her world with Love and Beauty.  This would be a contribution.

But Sarah is dead.  And this asshole is using up valuable resources.