On the Nature of Friendship: A Celebration and a Rant

I typically love everybody. Until I am given a reason not to. Compassion is the highest emotion I can experience towards an asshole.

Some people are assholes.

Every once in a while, I come face to face with the assholedness of a particular person and I am shocked. I wonder, "How could I have allowed this person onto my radar screen? How could I have entertained the notion that this person is worthy of my attention? How did I overlook such asshole-like tendencies?"

Because of an asshole-ic remark made to me, I wondered all day about the nature of friendship.

Some friendships arise immediately in unexpected ways. One senses an instant resonance with another person and interacting with this person is just plain easy and enjoyable.

Other friendships require a bit of cultivation. Just like a garden. But if, over time, the preparation of the ground, the fertilization and seeding of the soil bears no fruits, then you must consider the ground to be barren: unable to sustain life. In other words, if over time you make an effort to become friends with a person and it feels just as difficult interacting with this person as it was in the beginning, it is probably best to put your efforts elsewhere. This person is incapable of sustaining a friendship with you. This is not an indication of any shortcoming on your part. You and this person are simply incompatible.

Let it go.

I have had what I considered to be friendships that went drastically and suddenly awry. Feelings of hurt, betrayal and loss are immense when a perceived friendship ends. I would venture to guess, however, that this was not a true friendship at all. Rather, a mutually compatible dysfunction united me with another person for a brief period of time. Still, in the wake of loss I find myself reeling with the questions, "Who are my true friends? Do I have true friends? Who can I trust? Are my feelings valid? Did I miss something that was in plain sight all along? What is real here?"

It is beyond me why I chase after unattainable goals. Seeking friendship with a person who has subtly and not so subtly expressed their distaste for me as a person, for example, is a pointless endeavor. Trying to prove my value as a person and as a friend to another is also pointless. I'm getting better about realizing this.

To be a good friend is a daunting challenge. It is absolutely crucial that one's efforts be spent on worthy recipients.

I am fortunate enough to have friends who make me want to elevate myself - not dig myself further into a self-fulfilling doom, friends that do unexpected things to make me smile, friends that I can call in the middle of the night, friends that like to hug and kiss, dance and laugh, creative friends, smart friends, friends who care about the future of our world, friends I can be serious with and friends I can be silly with. I have a wealth of friends. And this comes from making an effort to be a person worthy of having friends. Whenever an ass rears its ugly hole, there is no reason for me to question my worth as a friend and the quality of friendships that flow through my life.

Assholes are assholes. And friends are friends. And never the twain shall meet.